colleen

Yesterday at @elpumarejo was my first real live show since September 2019 (I played 6 shows in May 2021 in tiny gallery @chiquitaroom in Barcelona, where due to Covid capacity was extremely limited, so while these were real live performances, they felt more like a super intimate gathering than what we usually understand by “live show”).

This double album show is madly ambitious from a technical point of view, and this ambition comes with its own pitfalls: a great probability of problems and mistakes happening… and they did, which is hard for the perfectionist in me. 
It’s all the more ironic that I decided to do this considering I was actually going to stop playing live, in great part because I felt I couldn’t handle the brain-and-nerves requirement of playing live shows that are so “freefall”.
Most decisions though happen because of complex reasons. In this case, the Captain + Tunnel idea was born of 1) the necessity of playing a long show in London @kingsplacelondon for what I thought was going to be my last show for a long time or forever, and The Tunnel being short, I knew I’d have to play more material 2)  I didn’t feel like playing the previous album (A flame) because it reminds me of feelings I’d rather not revisit right now 3) I had dug out the treble viola to check it was doing ok, and before I knew it I was playing it again and remembering that Captain is one of my favourite albums.
So yesterday was equal parts bliss, equal parts feeling seriously challenged, but it’s had the advantage of shining a light on my tendency to immediately think in terms of extremes: “this is madness, why do I even bother playing live?” vs “I love this so much, it makes me feel connected with the world and with people in a way that being in my studio is never going to”. Obviously, the answer lies in the middle, so I’m already thinking about how I could still play live while making it easier for me in terms of performing. And I’ll work some more this week to try and pull off a good show next week 19/03 😀
🙏🙏🙏 @lilinterna for the beautiful photos, David @furvoice @mutabor_music and @elpumarejo ❤❤❤

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