colleen

In daily life, I think, talk and dream in Spanish, with English being my work language and my maternal French the one I’ve spoken the least since moving to Spain in 2010. As I started to write this series, I realized there is a striking difference between the English expressions “to change one’s mind/to make a decision” and the French and Spanish equivalents, “changer d’avis/cambiar de opinión” and “prendre une décision/tomar una decisión”.
Both French and Spanish state that what is changed is simply an “opinion”, whereas English is much more radical and ambitious, saying that what has been changed is the mind itself: read like this, “I’ve changed my mind” sounds like a near-magical act, almost as if we had swapped it for somebody else’s.
As for decisions, French and Spanish seem to imply that we just choose or pick from a pre-existing array of decisions (we “take” them), as if from a deck of cards, whereas English says we actively create the decision by actually “making” it.
Maybe it’s the former English teacher in me that speaks here, but I do find these differences illuminating, and I would say this is a case where English “wins” over French and Spanish in terms of psychological accuracy.
In my case, psychotherapy has been one of the main spaces where this process has happened: I started going to therapy for personal matters in December 2020, and before I knew it, there I was unpacking a decades-old work-related chronic stress bundle. In the middle lay the big lump of touring: the admin, the rehearsals and yet the uncertain results, the travel fatigue, the lack of sleep… It was easier to be extreme, just ditch the whole thing and be relieved once and for all. This worked so well that in the summer of 2021, now relieved from touring duties (I just had one show in London left, postponed due to Covid quarantine), my mind was finally free and relaxed enough to realize just how much I loved playing live. And thus began the process of starting to “change my mind”.

All the following photos were taken by Mike Boyd of Thrill Jockey Records during the setup and show at Constellation in Chicago, 27th September 2023. At the end of my Instagram post, you will also find 2 short videos showing bits from my post-show work process demonstration.

Dear everyone

Ever since 2020, January is the month I associate with adoption,  namely my plan to adopt 2 cats (so that they would keep each other company) from the Lliga per a la Protecció d’Animals de Barcelona. 

From their website photos, I initially chose 2 cats that were brother and sister, but I had noticed the photos of Sol and Klee, and on my first visit, Sol stepping onto my lap with his paws wet from the freshly cleaned ground started to make me doubt my initial “choice”.

On the second visit, I was able to see Klee, who had spent 3 months hiding in terror since his arrival.

I adopted them right as I went through my first Covid, at the very start of the epidemic, even before it had officially arrived in Europe (mid-late January). It turned out to be one of the most challenging years of my life, and each year at this time of year, I reflect on the power of adopting an animal in need. A huge responsibility, yes, a huge happiness and blessing also, every single day.

Sol and Klee are not brothers, and I know very little about them, except that Klee, who is now 7 and a half, grew up with Sol, who is now 10. I think that Sol could live without Klee, but Klee would have a terribly hard time without Sol. Here you can see them at the shelter together (photo taken by the shelter).

Searching for the pre-adoption photos, I have even found this one from the first visit, in which I inadvertently captured Sol sleeping behind Leia, the very furry cat in the foreground I was about to adopt with her brother. I can’t help but wonder where those two are now and if they are doing as well as Sol and Klee, and how it would have been to adopt them instead of Sol and Klee…

It feels just right for me to start the year by sending your donations from my Bandcamp animal shelter initiative of the month of December, 213 $, to Sevilla-based Fundación Benjamín Mehnert, who rescue and rehabilitate Spanish greyhounds (galgos).

This month, donations will go to a small organization in the city of Jaén, Andalucia, @huella_de_jaen : I discovered it through the work of the incredible photographer @andreslopezphoto and a reel by @chuchosselectos on the history of this dog, Naty.
It moved me so much I chose them for this month’s Bandcamp donations.

I have added my rare Mort aux Vaches VPRO session, so now the donations will come from sales of “Conditional” , A Flame Variations – Live in the Moog Sound Lab and Mort aux Vaches.

Again thanks a million for your generosity with getting on board with me for this project: in less than 7 months I have been able to send 1334 $ to 8 organizations. It has been one of my most cherished projects of 2023, one that contributes to my feeling of being connected to other beings, both animal and human, at a moment when there are many reasons to despair of human beings’ sanity. 

Wishing you a peaceful 2024

Cécile, Sol and Klee

I am back to long form writing with this series of reflections inspired by the first leg of my tour for my 8th album Le jour et la nuit du réel. After that, I do plan to fully refocus on music-making both in the studio and live, so I hope you enjoy these :-)

REFLECTIONS ON GOING BACK TO TOURING. – PART I: A MINOR MIRACLE
It has meant the world to me to be able to go back to touring this year, on so many levels. Up until the last minute I doubted I could safely do it. I have been making music for way longer now than the short time period of my life when I did *not* make music, and although I was extremely shy as a teenager, the first time I played live (at my high school), I immediately felt at home. Next year I will play my 250th show as Colleen, a fact I wouldn’t believe myself if it wasn’t for the list I’ve kept since my first show in 2002 (you can find it in the Live shows – Past shows section of my website), but in spring 2021, things looked very different, as I had made a very serious decision to stop playing live.

On 20th September, the day before I left for New York (the first show was on 22nd at Public Records, also the day of release of Le jour et la nuit du réel), as I was packing all of my gear in my suitcase, I was so utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally, that I wondered how on earth I would pull through this, all on my own once more. I also wondered in what shape I’d be for the next 8 shows in Europe, and if I wasn’t about to betray the “contract” I have signed with myself to protect my health and well-being.
So it feels like a minor miracle to not only have done it, but to have done it and have it turn out to be my favorite time playing live *ever* – and make no mistake, a lot of stress was involved, both touring-related and life-related.
So I really feel like sharing with you some of the thoughts that have been in my head over these past 3 months, as I’ve tried to analyze what has changed within me for this to happen. Writing this down also helps to clarify it for me. I would like to think of this series of posts as the sunny-side-up, 12-years-later companion to the long piece I had published back in 2011 on my website, which had found an echo in many of you, entitled “A long account of why I’ve been silent” (part I and part II).

LEAVING FACEBOOK

I have officially abandoned the platform, you can read more here.

Wishing you all a peaceful end of year, thank you as always for your kind support, and looking forward to reuniting in 2024 :-)

I am finally able to catch up after the last 2 shows of this year in Barcelona and Lisbon :-)

“LES PARENTHÈSES ENCHANTÉES – MOVEMENT III”: BIRD SONG INSPIRATION ON THE MOOG GRANDMOTHER AND ROLAND RE-201 SPACE ECHO.
I became an avid birdwatcher 10 years ago, and had one of my best birdwatching experiences here in 2018 prior to moving. Catalunya boasts an incredible bird species diversity (395 species total, 232 regularly breeding species) and even though I have calmed down on this front, I am still fascinated by birds, and among their many incredible attributes, their singing. 
As I started to compose the third movement of “Les parenthèses enchantées”, I realized that my melodic motifs were really tapping into some kind of imaginary bird song repertoire, and I decided to really go for it, especially since I love to use Baroque-like ornamentation to try and approach monophonic keyboard playing differently.
This is the only song on Le jour et la nuit du réel that uses the Moog Grandmother twice: first with a loop of 3 “chords” (due to monophony, I am just arpeggiating them and playing a 2 note motif against them with my right hand), then with melodic lines on top of that loop, played an octave higher (the Osc having been switched from 8′ to 4′).
Again, the sound really comes alive with the use of the Soundgas Roland RE-201 Space Echo which I showcased in my recent “Be without being seen” video.

INTERVIEWS FOR HISPASONIC, HEMISPHERE SON PODCAST AND LINE NOISE PODCAST ON RADIO PRIMAVERA SOUND.

I wrote in-depth about my gear, studio and work process in Spanish on Hispasonic.

I spoke in French on the new album and my whole discography on the Hemisphere Son podcast.

And you can see and hear me talk in English on the Line Noise podcast, which I recorded live 2 weeks ago here in Barcelona at the headquarters of Radio Primavera Sound. If you prefer to just listen, it’s also available on Soundcloud here.

Second post coming to your inbox tomorrow (lots to catch up on !)

HEADPHONES OR AMP FOR THIS PLEASE: this does not sound right on a laptop, it sounds a little better on a mobile phone, but the only right way to listen to this is through headphones or an amp.

As a lifelong Lee Perry fan, I dreamt for years of owning a Space Echo, but always found reasons to not take the plunge. Then in 2018 my path crossed the path of Soundgas: I was looking for the ultra rare Elka Drummer One drum machine from 1969, they were the only outlet worldwide to have one regularly on sale, refurbished, and so this is how Gid, Tony and I started writing to each other, with me begging them to give me a heads up if the rare beast turned up. It did and I bought it, which opened the door of vintage gear in my life. I am a *very* cautious buyer in general – for everything – and I am also adverse to accumulating objects. I also do not like the thought of something sitting unused or even underused. I was sure I would love a real Space Echo after using plugin and pedal emulations for so many years, but I did want to be sure I was buying one from a trustworthy source, and I am still so happy I got mine from Soundgas. They are not paying me to write these lines, the machine speaks for itself.

It really does send sound into space, and there’s nothing like switching on the real thing and hearing the tape hiss and that warm drive. I hope you enjoy this video of “Be without being seen”, the suite from Le jour et la nuit du réel that marks the end of the day side, the first one to use the Space Echo in the album (“Les parenthèses enchantées – Mvt I – II – III – IV” also use it).